let's catch up.

Oh heyyyyy guys. This blog still exists. I still exist. And a whole lot has changed since my last post. I'm going to do my best to play catch-up without writing a full novel. I have a lot I want to write about and I'm thinking I'll probably have to split it up into a few different posts. I need to be better about blogging. I WILL be better at blogging!! Okay, here we go.

Motherhood.

Becoming a new mom is kind a slap in the face. Except the hand that slaps you is tiny and has knuckle dimples, so you really don't mind. You welcome it. Everyone tells you from the beginning that being a mom is so hard, but so worth it. And I knew it would be challenging. I didn't expect it to be a walk in the park, but really nothing can actually prepare you for motherhood. It's a total crash course on selflessness. You spend a few nights in the hospital with nurses waiting on you hand and foot, and then all of a sudden you're discharged from the place, they snap a photo of you and your new addition and give you a card that's all "Congrats! Thanks for coming! Best wishes! Okay now leave!"  and they wheel you out to your car and wave goodbye. And then it's just you and your brand new baby. And no instruction manual.

Jack Otto Sewell. 9 lbs. 11 oz. (no one saw that one coming) and 21 3/4 inches long. Born April 5, 2015. His middle name comes from my grandfather on my mother's side, William Otto Short. 

In those first few weeks especially, you feel nearly any and all emotions that there are to feel. Bliss from those precious newborn snuggles. Exhaustion from the sudden lack of any sort of normal sleep schedule. Worry when your baby gets a red bump on his face, or coughs one too many times, or seems to spit up everything he just ate. Relief once you call your mom and are reassured that all of those things are completely normal and okay. Frustration when you can't seem to figure out what your baby needs. Guilt for feeling frustrated with your baby. Joy when they find comfort in you just holding them. Pride when your baby learns how to make a new face or to hold their own head up and you want to do is shout to the world "Everyone look at my baby! Watch him hold his wobbly head up ALL BY HIMSELF!!" Sadness when you feel like the really hard days are going to last forever. Sadness when you realize they're not. Happiness, anxiety, confusion, accomplishment. And love. So much stinkin' love that you feel like you might burst.

                        

 

                         

 

It's so easy to feel inadequate. Unprepared. There are so many moments of wondering if I'm doing it right. Moments when I question if I'm really cut out for this kind of responsibility. And it doesn't help when you finally get the nerve to venture out into public only to get some really concerned looks from people who are most likely thinking "teen mom!!!" ( I just have a baby face, alright?!)  I realize that to many people I'm "too young" or "rushing things." In the eyes of the world, I'm probably not your typical almost-twenty-three year old. Especially once you get outside of Utah or Idaho. But then I look at Jack, and he flashes me one of his gummy, squinty-eyed smiles and I'm reassured that I'm enough. I'm enough for him and that's what's important. This phase of life is exactly where I need to be right now. Being Jack's mom has brought me so much fulfillment and purpose. Watching him grow and become more familiar with this world has brought me so much happiness. And watching Andy step up and become an amazing father has been possibly the greatest thing ever.

Mostly I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I feel a new appreciation and respect for my own parents, because I'm kinda starting to get it now. They really meant it when they said they'd do anything for me and my siblings. I'm grateful for the family members and friends who offered help, advice, or a homemade meal in those first few days. For the sweet older couple who stopped to talk to me and Andy as we stood outside the really nice restaurant we stepped out of because Jack completely lost it for a bit. I was in tears, and they smiled understandingly and told us that it was okay. The man put his hand on my shoulder and told us that we were doing everything we could and that sometimes babies just cry. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father for placing such tender mercies in my life, and for giving us this perfect little person to love. I'm so, so thankful for eternal families. At night after Jack dozes off to sleep, I'll sometimes just stare at him, and I'm literally left speechless thinking about how I get to keep him forever. It's incredibly humbling. My family is my joy and Jack is my little piece of Heaven. I've only seen the beginning of it all, but I can agree that motherhood is hard. Like, really hard. But it is so worth it.

38 weeks.

This whole pregnancy has been great and- for the most part- very easy and enjoyable. These last few weeks, however, have not been so fun. At 38 weeks, I'm like a walking furnace, I think my ribs are permanently bruised, and I feel like humpty-dumpty every time I roll out of bed/stand up from the couch/get into the car. I avoid denim or anything with buttons like the plague at this point and pop Pepcid AC's like they're candy. Trying to put on shoes that are not flip flops require a careful routine of leaning forward, propping myself against the wall on my forehead, and only after I've found the proper equilibrium, slowly pulling on each shoe one at a time. It's a glamorous life I live.

Really though, these last nine months have been such a great experience and I'm grateful for all that it's brought along with it. The good and the bad. And I think we're to the point where we can finally say we're ready for our little guy to be here!

35 weeks and a few of my favorite things

Today officially marks 35 weeks of being pregnant! Which means we have only five more to go until the little guy makes his grand entrance. And although I'm at the point where I feel really uncomfortable 90% of the time--mostly just rib pain and a muscle in my upper back that won't chill out--and just want my due date to get here already, I also can't help but still feel completely not ready for this. I feel like there's still a million and one things left to do/get before the end of next month. But time stops for no one and so I guess I'll just try to relax as much as I can for these next few weeks and enjoy the process of preparing for a new baby. I thought I'd do something a little different and share with you guys a few of the things that I've really loved and that have helped me feel as comfortable and sane as possible these last eight-ish months. I really liked looking through posts like this when I first found out I was pregnant, so I thought I maybe I could potentially help a girl out with some of my favorites and recommendations as well.

1.) Insulated tumbler- I'm constantly needing water. For a while I would just carry bottled water around with me, but I discovered that once the water wasn't cold anymore, I didn't drink the rest of it. I like to take one of these cups with me everywhere because I can fill it with ice and refill it with water as I need to and it stays super cold for much longer. This one was from Target I think but you can get them pretty much anywhere. I also have a Tervis tumbler that I love as well. You can get those at Bed, Bath, and Beyond or online.

2.) L'Occitane 100% Pure Shea Butter - This stuff is a little pricey, but I feel like it's worth it. It's organic shea butter without any parabens or unhealthy chemicals. It's super moisturizing and has helped my stomach not get itchy at all. And I know they say that getting stretch marks is purely genetic, but I also know that I'm prone to getting them and so far I have none, so I'm thanking this stuff for that. I just put it on at night after I shower and I stay moisturized until the next night. I'm on my second tub of this and it should last me until the end. 

3.) Snacks- Along with being thirsty all the time, I feel like I'm also hungry...all of the time. I try to always keep snacks in my purse so that I never get hungry to the point of feeling sick. Andy teases me sometimes because I'll be digging through my purse in the middle of church trying to find a snack and he's all "What are you, five?" But I just give him a squinty face and don't share. These LaraBars are pretty good (even though the "cookie dough" flavor tastes literally nothing like the actual stuff so don't be fooled) and also pretty good for you. I try to keep things that are not too junky on hand but let's be honest, sometimes it's a little bag of Cadbury mini eggs instead. Sometimes a big bag. 'TIS the season.

4.) Bringing Up Bebe- I really kind of just stayed away from parenting books, because there's just so many different "philosophies" and "methods" and I feel like it'd be really easy to overload on information. I think that it's going to be best to just rely on natural instincts, but this book was one that was highly recommended and it seemed interesting so I bought it and I've really loved it. It focuses on balancing all aspects of life even after baby and taking the whole parenting thing one step at a time without rushing stages. It's about being laid-back and encouraging independence but still teaching your children appropriate behavior and respect for those around them. 

5.) H&M maternity jeans- I only bought a few maternity shirts because most of my normal shirts have been able to still work for me, but if you are pregnant and want to still feel like a human being, get some maternity jeans. I avoided getting maternity jeans for the longest time, because I didn't want to spend money on jeans that I would only wear for a few months. But after a while of the hair-tie trick and a belly-band to try to make my normal jeans work, I caved and got a few pairs from H&M about a month ago. They're affordable and they are so much more comfortable. They fit really nicely and don't look frumpy, BUT if you get some from H&M, definitely go a size or two up. I don't know why, but they run really small. 

6.) Rice pack/heat pads- This is one that my mom actually made for me and it has been a complete lifesaver. I've had a fairly easy pregnancy luckily, but something I haven't been able to avoid is back pains. I've always had a crummy back, but ever since I hit about 27 weeks, I've had this muscle in my upper back that just tenses up and burns like crazy. I can pop this rice pack into the microwave for a few minutes and then lay with it under my back and it helps that muscle relax a bit. It also has lavender oil in it so it smells nice, too. Thanks Mom!

7.) Leggings- Most of the time, I'm in leggings. Gap has some really comfy ones that I wear all the time. They're a little too sheer to wear out, but when I'm at home they're perfect. Gap has really good maternity clothes in general. I love their pure body tees as well. They're a great length and fit through all stages of pregnancy. My favorite, favorite leggings are these from Lululemon. I have them in heathered black, but they have a lot of fun colors. They were a gift from my sister-in-law, and I've only had them for a short time now but I'm wondering how I lived without them. The reason why these are so great is because the waistband is really wide and has no elastic that's going to dig into your stomach. They are so dang comfortable and I want to wear them every single day. Their standard Wunder Under pant is nice also because they're a lot thicker and more durable than most other plain black leggings, so you can wear them out. Which I do...because leggings are pants. 

"these sweatpants are all that fits me right now."

Today I am grateful for leggings. Thirty weeks down, ten to go!